I want to open my window but I can't because i'm worried crane flies will get in.

So it’s that time of year again I guess, weather’s getting warm and all the lovely creepy crawlies are emerging from wherever they like to hide in the winter. Generally, I have no problem with bugs here because I know that none of them would actually be able to do anything to me. All this being said though, I hate crane flies. I can’t stand them. Again, it’s not that I have an irrational fear that one is going to crawl into my ear and eat my brain or anything; they’re pretty pointless as things go really. I mean they exist as larva called leatherjackets for the first few months of their lives, and munch on stuff like dead leaves and roots. They can cause problems by eating grass but generally they don’t really achieve much. After a while they metamorphose into their adult form which only lasts for one or two days, they lay eggs and then die.

The crane flies just repulse me. They’re like flying spider zombies. Can you imagine one trying to fly in a heavy wind or something like that? Its legs would probably all fall off. But still, somehow they manage to get into my room whenever I open my window. If they do manage to get into a room I can generally ignore them once it’s not my room or the bathroom. Over the past month I’ve had some epic battles with crane flies. The first one this year happened not so long ago. I went into my room and noticed two huge crane flies in the top right hand corner of my room. Needless to say I froze and immediately looked for some sort of weapon with which to smoosh them. The only real problem though, was that my parents were asleep next door so any killing had to be done with as little noise as possible. So I found a towel and tried the old “twirl it round and flick it like a whip” trick. Unfortunately I didn’t have the power to splat them both and they just sort of fluttered away to separate parts of my room. So I grabbed my book and stalked the smaller of the two. I followed it around my room trying to get it in a spot where I could reach it without making too much noise. Eventually it settled on my wall and I got it. However when I looked up I realised that the other was gone! I searched and searched and couldn’t find it. I decided to get into bed and read until it resurfaced. However the creature was crafty and didn’t appear again so I fell asleep.

The next morning when I woke up there was still no sign of it. So I got up and started to get dressed. As I was putting on my pants it flew out from under my bed. I got such I fright I got all tangled up in my trousers and nearly fell over. The problem was that I was late for work and I didn’t have time to kill it. I had to just leave it in the hopes it would just go away. Needless to say it didn’t. I think it was biding its time in the hopes it could get its revenge for the untimely death of its comrade. So when I came home it was back in the same corner where I had first found it. This time I got my shoe. He didn’t last long this time. I picked him up and flushed him down the loo. Erin - 2, crane flies – 0. However they soon came back...

I went into the bathroom a few days later and BAM! There it was. Another crane fly, clearly come back to see what happened to the other two, but got a bit lost. Now, I can’t shower if I know that there’s one in the room. I just can’t. So I decided once again to wage war. He was sitting up on the ceiling, watching me. So I grabbed my towel and decided I would mush him against the ceiling with it. So I climbed up on the edge of the shower so that I could reach him and pushed the towel up against it. The only problem was that I just wasn’t tall enough to actually make him go crunch, so I was really only holding him against the ceiling with my towel. I had a choice to make, either find some way to get up higher and finish him off, or get down and just hope he was dead. I went with the second option. As I got down he escaped from his towel prison and flew straight at my face. I screamed and fell backwards flailing madly. I burst through the door and ran down stairs. I decided to wait and come back up in a few minutes. When I came back up he was gone. I never did find where he went. So as it stands the score is me – 2, them – 1. He’ll be back though and we’ll finish our epic battle some day, but until then I’ll just keep my windows closed and my shoe at the ready.